Cowboy bars are not the same thing as redneck bars. Redneck bars are generally dives and play a lot of Three Dog Night, Skynard, and Stevie Ray Vaughan. I've spent an evening at such an establishment on a few occasions, but it did not prepare me for what I saw at the cowboy bar.
After an evening of cocktails with my family, my little sister arrived home from work and suggested that my brother and I join her (and her wild posse of besties) for a night out. She promised that ladies over 21 drink free, she would drive, and there would be scads of hot guys.
There were hot guys--she was right, but that soon proved itself a double-edged sword. We did a lap and I was happy to notice that while a handful of pretty girls roamed the bar, the establishment was otherwise flooded with all-American, sunkissed cowboys in well-fitted blue jeans. They made a lot of eye contact. Steady eyes assures you a cocktail in Orlando, but Deland (I soon learned) operates under an entirely different set of rules.
In Orlando, bars cater to the ladies. Their mission is to draw the ladies with free drinks, free admission (if you play your cards right), and guys who are employed well enough to pay $10 to get into a bar where you're partying; hos before bros. In Deland, the opposite is true.
This aside, I waited patiently for the boys to offer me a cocktail (between line-dances), but they never did. Instead, they bought each other shots. Round by round, they flagged shot girls and kicked back test-tubes filled with electric blue, or red liquid. Bros before hos. Whenever a hip-hop song came on, they squatted down and proceeded to grind against the ass of the closest male-friend within pelvic reach. Oh my God, I realized. They're all gay!
"We're not gay," one of the cowboys said in my ear.
I laughed. "OK, but I didn't ask if you were."
"I'm serious." He sensed I needed more convincing. Maybe it was my expression. "It's Deland," he explained.
Later, as my brother's best friend from high school handed me a drink, I realized that we've grown so much as a society. Acceptance is really catchy! Not long ago, a cowboy would have beaten his friend bloody for even thinking about putting a package to his rear. Tonight, he leaned into it...
